there's paper in my vomit.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize