I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
