apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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