I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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