so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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