Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
