apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
