Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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