I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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