so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
