I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
