Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
