Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize