get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
