I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
