he wants to bone in the snuggie
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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