my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
