C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
