I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your cock deserves a montage
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
