Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
organizing the empties. That sober.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
