I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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