I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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