He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
