I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
