And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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