No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
