Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
