Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
