Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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