yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
