I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
