the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
