Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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