btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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