This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
