So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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