Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize