Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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