hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
