Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
