so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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