I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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