I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
