We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
