and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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