can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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