did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This is the high leading the old right now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
