just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
