the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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