The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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