I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize