i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
