This house was built for laser tag.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
