Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
