Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
