Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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