the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
