It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
