Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
