Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
