I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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