You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
