Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
