HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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