i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize