is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
