Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
