why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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