I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
