gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
