I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
