I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
