You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
