roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
