Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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