But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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