Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
