I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
