Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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