She said her name was "party"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
organizing the empties. That sober.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
