he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
