this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
