its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
