I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
