I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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