And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
