it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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